8 blogs we need...

i'm pretty sure we need 8 blogs and i only have 7, so here is one more....

don't have much to say.  tried to spend the whole weekend studying, but it seems that nothing, nothing, nothing ever turns out right.  discouraged a bit, sure.  fed up with my supposed support system, always it seems.  disappointed, too often.  there was also some stupid drama occuring that will make things for the future more challenging as well.  i say, "bring it on!"  i can handle anything you throw at me!  not really, please lay off a bit, it is getting a bit rediculous.  geez.

so tired

Oh, my gosh....who knew that hand writing this assessment would take me so rediculously long.  I really suck at writing and keep messing up, then I have to redo the whole page....ugh.  i just want to go to sleep.  i wish we could just type it.  anyway, this is my last attempt to finish and then i will just pass out.  i spent the whole weekend finishing the objectives, thinking that this part would be fast.  wrong, wrong, wrong.  i have to work on my time management skills, cause this ball has just started to roll.

last Fundamentals clinical

I have to say I am really going to miss my lab/clinical group.  Everyone in our group got along really well and were always supportive of each other, like one big team.  I do think it will be good to mix it up though and get to know more of the people in the class.  As far as the actual clinical went....it was good.  I was much more sure of myself doing the assessment.  I made a detailed sheet for myself to go by as i do a head to toe assessment, and it really helped me organize myself and not forget things.  Our patient was pretty difficult though, it was really quite aggrevating.  I was worried that we wouldn't even be able to get all the info we needed to from the assessment, because he was just not cooperative with us.  In the end, we got most of what we needed and it wasn't too stressful.  I hope PJ is doing okay today....she has been in my thoughts a lot today.

behind on my blogs much?

Uh, oh...i have totally been forgetting about my blogs until right now.  I don't know how so much time could go by so quickly, but it seems like i only missed one week...too bad it is more like 3.  I guess all I can do is try to blog my brains out this week.  First I will write about last weeks clinical.

Last week I was terrified to walk into a patients room and do an entire assessment.  I felt confused as to where to start and just generally awkward.  I decided to begin with the verbal questions and they sort of led me in the directions i wanted to end up going.  Then i did vitals because that is what i know i have to do.  then some peripheral pulse and general assessments of the body.  I knew i would forget somethings, but the things i forgot were basic:  cap refill, skin turgur, bowel movements.  so, i had to go back after dinner and finish up.  My patient was great though, and my signing off nurse was great too.  She tried to engage me in figuring out why the patient had some of the problems i listed, like low BP...could it be a med she is taking?  i didn't know the answer to that, but it is awesome that she was willing to help me think about it like that.

Overall, i think this week will be easier because i won't be so clueless, and it turns out i wasn't really clueless at all I was just talking myself down instead of believing in my capabilities.  I am going to type up a little assessment cheat sheet for myself for this week, so maybe it will go a bit more smoothly and I won't have to go back because i will get everything i need the first time around.  that would be better.  i'll get the hang of this sometime.  by the way...am i the only one who has problems finding the femoral pulse?  i can't even find my own for peats sake....any suggestions would be appreciated.

Out of sorts

I don't know what is wrong with me today, and yesterday, too.  I don't feel right.  i feel weak, shaky, lightheaded and hot.  i'm also constantly hungry and thirsty....oh, i hope i'm not getting sick!  I don't want any icing on this cake!  i'm trying to write my paper, still.  i thought it would be really easy, but i'm having some issues with the wording and making sure to put it all in 3rd person.  it just sounds boring and repetitive to me, saying "the student said...",  "the patient said..."  a million times throughout this paper.  I also thought it would be like a one page, and it is turning out to be more like 4 or 5.  Well, i hope Mrs. Damelio isn't annoyed with my paper being too long or boring.  I think overall i have really tried to make it interesting.  I guess i should get back to it.

Seriously

I feel so disappointed right now....maybe this isn't something i should blog about, i don't want to freak anyone else out.  Then again, people probably need to know.  I was so nervous about the midterm, and it turns out that i did pretty well.  Only to find out some horrible news regarding financial aid.  News that could mean the end of the program for me...really disappointing.  I have a part time job, but it is only about 10 hours a month, so i rely on financial aid completely to pay my bills and provide while i focus on this program.  Now, i'm finding out all this BS about loans not being dispersed until i am taking at least 6 hours, so some time in October.  Right now we are only taking 5 hours, and until they confirm our attendance for the other classes, that start in october, they aren't counted in financial aid.  Jessica and i went and spoke with Dr.Neid, and she is great.  she is going to try to help us anyway she can.  So, to anyone else who is freaked out, try not to...Dr.Neid will be coming to our class on Monday to talk to us about it.  Let us just pray it will work out somehow.  I am not a person to worry about things, but i am emotional and sensitive.  I don't deal well with disappointment.  What a mess.

catching up without getting caught up

Somehow i already feel behind on my reading and tasks that i initially laid out for myself.  I find myself up way too late pretty much every night...so if i seem lethargic it is because i don't sleep much, and if i seem cracked out it is because i am over caffeinating to compensate...not such a good idea.  i think i need to crack down and alter my schedule.

one of the blogs i read made my inner philosopher start contemplating.  i thought about my life up until now, and the good and the bad and the utterly horrible and the euphoricly stupid things i have done and experienced.  none of it seems to matter to me much anymore.  i feel so present in this time of my life.  i no longer feel regret for the things i missed out on, and i don't feel like i screwed up so badly anymore.

i remind myself that i am extremely lucky in many ways, i may need a tattoo to force me to recall that often enough.  i realize that quite often i get so caught up in the idea of succeeding in my ultimate goal that i miss out on the enjoyment that can be found along the way in the process of reaching that goal.  sometimes it is the journey that turns out to be the whole point in the end, not the end itself...i may need a tattoo for that reminder too...what do you think, jess?  do you have any ideas?  draw me something pretty...